Every 40 seconds someone asks WHY?
by xxlifesaverxx
Summary: Clare Edwards never thought she'd be HERE. At her boyfriend's funeral. She never thought Eli Goldsworthy would commit suicide. She wonders why? R&R. Warning: may cause tears, heartbreak. :
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** I don't own Degrassi, the characters, Why by Rascal Flatts, or anything that you recognize. :)

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There she stood. The one place she'd never choose to be. Her boyfriend, her best friend's funeral. She never thought he was going to die so young. She thought she could've at least seen him graduate. But the goth boy killed himself. She thought he was happy with her. She thought wrong. She looked around at everyone. She never knew Elijah Goldsworthy had so many friends. Everyone knew the boy or knew of the boy. Now here she was standing, about to sing a song for him. Tears started dripping down her face. She remembered how when her parents fought, and she cried, Eli would come over, hold her, and kiss her tears away. She knew it was selfish, but Clare Edwards wished it was someone else. She opened her mouth and started to sing.

**You must've been in a place so dark  
****You couldn't feel the light.  
****Reaching for you through that stormy cloud.  
****Now here we are gathered,  
****In our little home town.  
****This can't be the way  
****You meant to draw a crowd.**

_*Flashback*  
__"Alli, give them to me!" Clare screamed. *CRUNCH* A hearse killed her glasses. "I think they're dead." A goth boy said. Degrassi hasn't had a true goth in so long. Heads were turning, bullies were angry, and Eli Goldsworthy was the cause. He really made an impact.  
*Flashback ends*_

**Oh why? That's what I keep asking.  
****Is there anything I could've said or done?  
****Oh, I had no clue you were masking  
****A troubled soul.  
****God only knows what went wrong,  
****And, why you would leave the stage  
****In the middle of a song.**

_Nobody really knew, but Eli Goldsworthy was a pretty amazing singer, and guitarist. He'd only shown Clare. He'd have little "shows" for her. Clare always knew he was troubled, but she never knew to what extent. She thought he was getting better. She'd never been more wrong._

**Now in my mind  
****I'll keep you frozen as a seventeen year old  
****Rounding third to score the winning run.  
****You always played with passion  
****No matter what the game.  
****And when you took the stage  
****You'd shine just like the sun.**

_*Flashback*  
__Clare looked up at Eli. It was their fifth date, and he brought her on a beautiful picnic. Eli was telling her how he used to play baseball, and by the way he was talking, he sounded really good. It seemed to Clare that whatever Eli put his mind to, whatever he liked, he turned out to be really good. Eli was always one of a kind.  
__*Flashback ends*_

**Oh why? That's what I keep asking  
****Was there anything I could've said or done?  
****Oh, I had no clue you were masking  
****A troubled soul.  
****Oh, God only knows what went wrong.  
****And, why you would leave the stage  
****In the middle of a song.**

_*Flashback*  
__"Eli, are you okay?" Clare asked. He looked at her. "Just...I really like you, Clare. But I'll be okay." Eli murmured. Clare smiled. "I'll see you soon." Eli walked away. Clare didn't know that was the last time she would ever see her boyfriend of 10 months alive. She didn't know she would be the last person to ever see Elijah Goldsworthy alive. She just thought she'd see him the next day. But Clare Edwards learned not to think and expect so much.  
__*Flashback ends*_

**Yea-Yeah!  
****Now the oak trees are swaying  
****In the early autumn breeze.  
****A golden sun is shining on my face.  
****Through tangled thoughts I hear  
****A mockingbird sing  
****This old world really ain't that bad a place.**

_"Eli, this isn't that bad a place. Degrassi's alright. Just Fitz, Owen, and Bianca. Tell me what's going on?" Clare begged. Eli shook his head. "Whatever, Clare. I'll be okay soon. This isn't a bad place? What about your parents, my parents, what happens to Adam, what happened to Julia? This really isn't THAT great a place." Eli argued. Clare sighed. The boy did have a point. She never thought to ask what he meant by 'I'll be okay soon.' And now she knows. Clare Edwards never felt so stupid._

**Oh why? There's no comprehending  
****And who am I  
****To try to judge or explain.  
****Oh, but I do have one burning question  
****Who told you life  
****Wasn't worth the fight  
****They were wrong.  
****They lied.  
****Now you're gone  
****And we cry.  
****Cause it's not like you  
****To walk away in the middle of a song.  
****Your beautiful song.  
****Your absolutely beautiful song.**

Clare broke down crying. Alli and Adam ran up to her, also crying. The whole church was in tears. Just wondering why such a nice boy would take his own life. "Eli, I'm sorry I didn't see anything was wrong. I love you and I'm going to miss you so much. You were the nicest, kindest, most loving best friend we could've ever asked for. You stood up for Adam, drove us home, helped Sav with his dad's car, cared for me countless times, and so much more. Rest in peace, Elijah." Clare cried. She kissed her fingertips and let them linger on his coffin, saying her final good bye to the emo hearse-driving goth teenager that she fell in love with.

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**AN:** I cried while writing this. :( R&R?


	2. Authors note

OMG Thank you guys so much! These reviews made me cry. I'm in the middle of writing the second part. But I need some ideas. Hopefully I can update by tonight. Again, thank you guys so much.


	3. The hearse boy and church girl

_A/N: I'm not as proud of this as I was for the first one, but hey. I hope you like it._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own anything but the idea. But who wouldn't kill to own Munro Chambers? ;-)_

_Chapter 2_

_Clare Edwards had enough. She'd been moping around her house for weeks. Eli was gone. No amount of apologies, and condolences could change that. Her boyfriend was gone. She wanted nothing more than to be with him. Adam wouldn't let her cut since he knew the feeling. Alli made sure she actually got out of the house. And her parents just didn't care. They just continued fighting, as usual. Clare was pretty disappointed in it. She missed Eli's hugs, his kisses, his smirk, his sarcasm, everything about him. It wasn't fair. He promised he would always be there for her. He lied. She grabbed a piece of paper._

_Dear Adam,_

_I'm sorry. It just had to be done. I'm losing my memories of him, and I can't stand living without him. I miss him, and nothing can help me anymore. I love him, and I need to be with him. I hope you can understand that. Life just isn't working out for me. Mom and Dad keep fighting, Darcy's gone, Eli's dead. My life is slipping away. Who's next? You? Alli? I can't rely on God anymore because I don't want to ever believe in a God that took my boyfriend away. Adam, I'm leaving you some stuff of mine, and I'm leaving Alli some stuff. Just...give the rest to charity or something. I want to leave my clothes, shoes, jewelry, and stuff like that to Alli. I'm leaving my laptop, my ipod, my notebooks, and my cd's to you. I love you, Adam. You're like my brother, but I need to leave you behind. Please don't do anything dangerous? I hope not to see you again for a while. Live life. Go after Fiona. Get married. Make a life for yourself. I know you'll be great._

_If Darcy ever comes back, tell her I'm sorry, and I love her. Tell Alli, I love her, and to take care of you, Jenna, and Drew. Tell Jenna, I'm sorry. That baby will be beautiful, but she needs to look for a new Godmother. Tell KC, I forgive him. Tell Mr. Simpson thanks for being a great principal. Tell Ms. Dawes I said thank you for pairing me and Eli up. Tell Sav I said thanks for being such a great almost brother to me. Tell your brother I said the same thing. Tell Holly J I said it's ok to cry. Just let someone in to help her out. Tell Fitz I forgive him for everything that went on between him and Eli. Tell Spinner and Peter, I'm sorry, and they were huge parts of my life. Thank you. I love you, Adam Torres. I'll miss you, and me and Eli will wait for you._

_You'll always be 100% guy in our eyes. ;)_

_Love, Clare Edwards._

_Clare signed the letter, and decided to write one to her parents._

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Seems like a while since I said that. Well, you guys have been fighting an awful lot, and I'm sick of it. I don't have my boyfriend anymore, and you guys just told me to get over him. Get over yourselves. I'm not doing this just because I miss Eli. I'm doing this because I can't stand our "family" anymore. Darcy's gone, and you guys were going to sell the house. I can't deal with any of it. So I'm taking care of it. Maybe it is "the weaker" way out. But it's the way I'm handling it. Don't you dare, EVER, blame this on Eli. At least he was there for me before. I'm leaving my ipod, my laptop, my notebooks, and my CD's to Adam. I'm leaving my clothes, shoes and accesories to Alli. Now I'm going to do it. Again NEVER blame Eli or Adam! They were there for me all throughout your pathetic divorce. I am done with your shit._

_Sincerely, Clare Edwards._

_She put the letters in their separate envolopes and put them next to her alarm clock. The only thoughts going through her head were thanking God her parents weren't home. She picked up her phone and dialed the number she knew was only for emergencies. "Hello? Darcy speaking." The voice asked. "Hey, Darce. How are you?" She asked. "Clare, you know this number is only for emergencies. What's wrong?" Her sister asked. "Um...Sorry, Darce. Just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you." The younger sister murmured. "Clare bear, you know I love you, but the cost for these calls aren't cheap. They're long distance." Darcy murmured. Clare couldn't believe it! Her older sister couldn't waste two minutes of her precious time to talk to her! Darcy came for Eli's funeral, then left two days later! "I haven't spoken to you since the funeral! just thought I could talk to you this once, Darcy! I-" Darcy interrupted. "Clare! I have more important things to do! I have to build this school! I have to help these kids!" Clare started crying. Here she was about to commit suicide, and her sister was yelling at her? "Fine. Good bye, Darcy! This will be the last time I ever call you. I wish Eli was here." Clare screamed. "Well, newsflash, Clare! He's not! Okay? He's dead! He killed himself!" Clare started sobbing. "And by tonight...You'll be an only child." She hung up. How dare her sister! How fucking dare she! Clare picked the pills up that she had set up. "Here I go. Two for Darcy. Two for Adam. Two for Alli. Four for my parents. Five for Degrassi. And three for Eli." As she took the pills she felt herself slowly slipping away. She dialed Alli's number. Four rings and she picked up. "Hey Clare. What's up?" She asked. "Um, nothing. I just wanted to tell you I love you like a sis. Okay? You're closer to me than Darce ever was. Love you, Alli. I'll see you." Clare hung up. "Eli, I'll be joining you soon." She cried, as she let herself slip into darkness._

_She did something no one ever thought Clare Edwards would do. Even after Eli died, nobody expected her to follow in his path. Nobody expected she would commit suicide. Eli Goldsworthy thought she was smart enough to not follow after him. Darcy Edwards never felt so ashamed of herself. She told her baby sister she had better things to do than talk to her. Clare was one of her top priorities. Then she went and said the thing about Eli. Who speaks about the deceased that way? A monster that's who. A monster named Darcy Edwards. Alli Bhandari never cried more in her life than when she heard what her best friend did. She felt like she failed Clare. She let her best friend slip through the cracks, when Clare so obviously needed her. Her life would never be the same again. Adam Torres never felt so horrible. The only two people in the world who accepted him for him, were gone. His best friends died. Maybe he shouldn't have told them about being an FTM. But Clare did say Adam was 100% guy in her eyes. He would never find people like Eli and Clare ever again. Sav Bhandari couldn't believe his little almost sister died. The second he heard, he knew Alli would never be the same again. Jenna Middleton and KC Guthrie couldn't believe it. Clare had just forgiven them for everything. She agreed to be their baby's Godmother. Everything was going smoothly. Then this happened. Degrassi lost too many people as it was. From the whole situation with Rick and Jimmy, to JT being killed, to Eli almost being stabbed, to Eli actually dying, and now Clare. Degrassi would never be the same. They lost the hearse boy and the church girl._


	4. Friends of the Deceased

A/N: Well, someone asked me to make a sequel, showing Adam and Alli's point of view. I've got nothing but time since there's a blizzard going on. So I'm going to try that out. Let me know what you think?

Oh, and did anybody else think Darcy was a bitch?

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the idea. :(

Alli Bhandari couldn't believe it. Clare Edwards was dead. Her jesus-loving, sometimes-rebellious, witty, straightfoward best friend since freshman year was gone. The whole day kept running through her head. The day she found out her best friend passed away.

_**Flashback**_

_**RING,RING**_

_"Hey, Clare. What's up?" Alli asked her best friend. It was a change. Clare never called her anymore. Not since Eli. "Um, nothing. I just wanted to tell you I love you like a sis. Okay? You're closer to me than Darce ever was. Love you, Alli. I'll see you." Then Clare hung up. That couldn't be right! Clare Edwards NEVER acted like that. Not even after Eli died. Little did she know, that was the last time she'd ever talk to Clare Edwards again. Alli grabbed her shoes, and called out that she was going to Clare's. As she ran she dialed Adam's number. He deserved to know what was happening to his best friend too. "Get to Clare's house now!" She hung up and ran. Now Alli Bhandari was by no means, in shape, but she got to Clare's house in record time. Just as Adam ran up. She ran past him, and into her house. "Clare? Clare!" She screamed. She looked into the living room. No Clare. She ran up to Clare's room, and could've died right there. Just by looking at her, Alli Bhandari and Adam Torres could tell Clare Edwards was gone. They thought it was hard after Eli died, but both Eli and Clare in a few months was torture for the two._

_**End of Flashback**_

"Why? Just like Clare's song. That's what I keep asking, Adam. Why would she go and follow his footsteps?" Alli cried into the one person she felt she could trust's chest. "She loved him. Clare loved Eli, and she felt terrible after he died. She couldn't deal with it anymore. That's all there is to it, Alli." Adam tried to comfort his friend. The two would never have even looked in the same direction had it not been for Eli and Clare. Those two made such impacts.

All of a sudden, Alli's phone started ringing. It hadn't rung once since Clare last called. Well, who knows? Alli couldn't even look at it. Adam hugged her, and answered the phone.

"Hello?" He asked. "Um, this is Darcy Edwards. I'm looking for Alli Bhandari?" A voice asked. Adam looked down at the tanned girl. He couldn't make her talk when she didn't want to. But this was Clare's older sister.

"Um, one second. Here she is." He turned the speaker on. "Um, Alli, it's Darcy. I just...felt I needed to tell you this. I think I was the last to speak to Clare and-" "You weren't. She called me minutes before she died." Alli bit out. What could this girl want? She wasn't even fully here for Clare during the funeral. What now? "Well, I'm sorry, then. I just felt terrible for what I said to her. I thought you should know since you are-were her best friend." Darcy murmured.

"And what could that possibly be Darcy? Clare looked up to you for so long. Until you left for Kenya. Don't you regret the fact you missed watching your little sister grow into her own person? When you left, people stopped calling her 'Darcy's sister' or 'Little Edwards'. Clare loved you so much, Darcy. She never had ONE bad thing to say about you! She stood up for your honor countless times! Now tell me, Ms. Darcy Edwards is admitting she did something wrong? You haven't gotten in touch with Clare for MONTHS! You weren't there listening to her cry about why her big sister ran away from her! You are so far from perfect, Darcy." Alli screamed.

The two could hear the sobs coming from the other line. "I-I told her...I told her I-I had more im-important things to do...than talk to her...when she said...she said she-she wished E-Eli was here...I-I'm so ashamed of...of what I said next...I-I said...Well, newsflash, C-Clare...He-He's not...He's d-d-dead...He k-k-k-killed himself...I'm so sorry.." Darcy sobbed. Alli and Adam couldn't believe what they just heard. Darcy could've been the one to push Clare off the edge right there! "Darcy, you are one disgusting human being...I hope your God can forgive you...You could've been the one to push your own baby sister over the edge!...Don't you remember when she called the cops to save your ass! Your baby sister loved you! And you could've fucking killed her! I hate you, Darcy Edwards!" Adam screamed.

Her own fucking sister! Drew would NEVER say that to him, and Sav would NEVER say that to Alli. Alli shut the phone. "Alli, we need to not make this about Darcy. This is about Clare. Let's get ready. The Degrassi memorial service is tonight." The duo hadn't spent any time apart since finding Clare's body, and luckily their parents understood why.

Before the two could comprehend it, it was time for the memorial. "Alli, you know if you need to leave at any time I'll be there with you, right?" Adam asked, as they got into Morty. Once Adam got his license, the remaining two Goldsworthys asked if he'd like to have Morty. He agreed with no hesitation. Any chance to keep a piece of his deceased best friend, he'd take. "Thank you, Adam. Maybe you Torres boys aren't so bad." Alli smiled a little, "You've been here for me through this whole thing, and you haven't left me alone. I can't thank you enough." The two drove with small, sad smiles on their faces.

This night was mostly about Clare, but it was also dedicated to Eli. The star-crossed lovers. Everyone knew they were so in love. That's what made it such a shock. They all thought there was nothing wrong.

Lost in thought, Alli didn't realize they arrived until Adam pulled into a parking spot. The same parking spot that caused such a horrible feud between Eli and Fitz. They climbed out and walked into the school that used to cause them such joy. Mr. Simpson was standing near the podium. He motioned for them to come up. Adam and Alli were asked to say something about their friends. The tears running down Simpson's face were more than clear. As everyone settled in, he started.

"Hello, Degrassi. Well, we all know why we're here. Clare Edwards and Elijah Goldsworthy-" "Eli" Someone in the crowd interrupted. "I'm sorry. Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy. Alli Bhandari and Adam Torres would like to say some things about them." Adam got up first. "Well, me and Eli have been best friends since we met this year. We've had so many countless memories, but the thing I think I'll miss most about Eli was that he never let anybody tell him who he was. He was simply unique. He drove a freaking hearse to school everyday. He was our very own goth. And I'm sure we all remember the huge feud between him and Fitz. Eli honestly never cared about what anyone thought of him. He sat with me every day during lunch, reading comics or something." Adam tried to crack a smile. "But with everyone crying, I can't help but think Eli wouldn't have wanted this. He'd want us just going on as we normally do. But then I realize, things don't always go as planned or as you want. I never wanted to speak at my best friend's memorial so young. We never wanted to lose two people so young. But you know what? This is life. People come and go, but they can stay in your memories forever. I know I for one, am always going to miss Clare and Eli, but I'm not going to just become a zombie over it." He smiled a little, letting a few tears fall, and sat back down at the applause.

Alli stood up. "Well, me and Clare have been best friends since freshman year. Like Adam said, the thing I think I'll miss most about Clare, is that she just didn't give a damn. She knew what she cared about, and she didn't care who liked it or not. I'm sure we all remember the uniform right? And what about the time she sang a hymn in the Caf? Or even MadameDegrassi fanfiction?" Alli tried to laugh. "It was just Clare showing she didn't care what anyone else thought of her. Clare was honestly one of a kind until she met Eli. Those two were so alike in so many ways, yet so different. They were perfect pieces of a puzzle. She was unique. She never let anybody tell her who she was. I can't help but agree with Adam. Clare bear wouldn't want everyone crying over her. But it's life. People do come and go. Clare and Eli will never disappear in spirit though. We need to make sure their spirits stay with us. I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say those two touched so many lives. We must keep those two in our memories." Alli sat down crying. By the time her speech was through, the whole auditorium was sobbing.

Simpson stood up. "There's a lot of us that were affected, Degrassi. We're not here to mourn Eli and Clare. We're here to celebrate them-" "Why celebrate an emo kid and some church girl's life?" Someone called out. "Get him out." Simpson ordered. "You see! This is why things happen. We are Degrassi Community School! We need to stick together! If we just let each other speak like that, then we'll be stressed, and upset all the time. We should love each other like family. Let's bring the community part back to our name. Listen when you feel someone is thinking of suicide, and if you feel you can't handle it, there's always me, Counselor Sauve, and any of our teachers. You can talk to any of us. I love you kids like my own. Let's stick together in memory of Eli and Clare." Simpson called out. Everyone started cheering.


End file.
